Feels

>home alone
>so quiet you could hear spaghetti drop
>suddenly a noise
>someone broke into the house
>think about calling police but too anxious
>h-hello?
>guy finds me
>end up helping him rob the house
>when parents come home I'm too anxious to tell them what happened

>you will never know of your fleshlight feels like a real pussy

>spaghetti begets spaghetti

>pizza guy knocks on door
>i run out of bushes
>naked because clothes would make too much sound
>yfw I sneak up and take all the pizzas out of his back seat
>yfw I sneak back inside and get the pizza
>i won't need to interact with pizzas for a while

>tfw just lied to parents again.

>pizza place literally across the street
>always order delivery because the deliver drivers are never succubi
>one day call in delivery
>the guy asks why I don't come and pick it up because it would save me the delivery charge
>o-okay
>never go to pick up the pizza
>never call the place again

Bottom 1% of facial hair for adult males.
Bottom 1% of skin appearance for adult males
Bottom 1% of attractiveness for males
Bottom 1% of voice for males

I truly am a disgusting, worthless creature.

>tfw gyno and not even fat

BANE!?!

Imagine how many male virgins there must be in China,Japan, and Korea. Holy shit man we are really not alone

>tfw living off of frozen pizzas for a week now

>order pizza
>pizza comes
>pizza guy asks me how day has been
>y-you too!
>asks me if I can leave a review
>ok dude
>asks me if I can leave a positive review
>o-ok dude...
now I have to rate food, value and speed each out of 10 and then write a review help me

Just punched myself in the head as hard as I ever have and have never felt so much relief. I wish there was a way to get this kind of relief without giving myself dain bramage though ;_;

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation -"I now pronounce you man and wife."

My fucking sister is a fucking slob who spills things on counters, the floor and costly furniture and doesn't clean them. I wish the normalfag hunter would do something about her!